I sat and listened to Japanese pianist Nobuyuki Tsujilii play Rachmaninov's second piano concerto at the Proms last weekend. He's complerely blind and completely amazing. In a way, it was incredibly inspiring but it also left me feeling daunted.
It's not that I want to be a concert pianist when I grow up... It's more that I feel like a complete novice at becoming and being blind. I keep forgetting that I can't see things and I keep forgetting that I'll never be able to see them again, not even on a good day. It still comes as a shock every time I have to tell somebody that I'm visually-impaired, and I can't quite believe that I'm going to have my first lesson with my very own white cane next Monday.
Far from Nobuyuki's brilliance, it's easy to feel a bit mediocre as I dither in grocery stores trying to decipher packaging that I once used to help brands design, or wonder whether or not to smile at people I pass in the street just in case they're somebody I know, or spend ages plugging my credit card details into a website before the computer says no and I admit defeat.
That said, I'm getting pretty good at bluffing my way through situations. A friend who I haven't seen for a while said that the only thing that has changed since last year is my newfound ability to pretend to see everything perfectly well. She's right. It's amazing what you can do by the power of deduction (although I got caught out the other day at Google when everyone seemed to be wearing the same shirt as Steve... ). And auto-pilot is a wonderful thing. Pass me a wine glass and I'll fill it with the perfect amount of wine every time. Without even looking.
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